Just in case
by Call-me-Cassandra
Summary: Not for the first time since he had heard the terrible news, he pondered whether having his soul removed would really be such a terrible thing...Remus visits Sirius in prision. Can he accept everyone elses version of the truth?


Remus felt a shudder rack his body as he glanced at the figures surrounding him. It was not only the cold that seemed to seep from the very walls, nor was it only the despair that welled up inside him as he walked deeper and deeper into the stone labyrinth. Worse than these was the surreal sensation of living out his own worst nightmare.

Since he had become a werewolf as a child he had had horrifying dreams of being locked in the wizarding prison, visions of dementors coming toward him with their maws open as they sucked the soul from his body. He knew that they could sense the darkness inside him, knew that they wouldn't hesitate to attack if given the chance. All that stopped them was the silvery patronus of the lone guard, a small ferret that seemed a weak defense against the dark creatures.

Not for the first time since he had heard the terrible news, he pondered whether having his soul removed would really be such a terrible thing. For a brief time, his life had seemed so full of promise. Despite his condition, he had friends who would do anything for him, a steady job, and a love so strong he was mad with it. Or perhaps he had just been mad.

With one fell swoop, he had lost everything. Everyone he cared for was gone. Not just gone, but murdered by the one person he had thought loved him beyond reason. What did he have left to live for?

Catching the sideways glance from the guard, he flinched. There was pity in his eyes, but also a raging curiosity as he wondered who would waste the time to visit a mad man who had murdered his best friends.

"This is it then," the guard said, gesturing to the cell to their right. "I'll be back for you in a bit."

Remus watched the guard slowly drive the dementors back around the corner before finally turning around. Sitting in the corner of the cell, arms wrapped around his body as if to keep it from shaking apart, was Sirius. Seeing him there, Remus felt a wild rush of rage and grief and panic. A whimper slipped from his throat and he saw Sirius's head snap up instantly. Without warning, he lunged for the bars until he stood nose to nose, eye to eye with the one person who meant more than anything to him.

Staring into each others eyes, they read each others thoughts as skillfully as any Legilimens. Beneath the anger and the pain, Sirius could read only one cry, _Why! _He was full of grief that he had ever doubted his beautiful lycanthrope, that he had thought for one instant that Remus could have been the traitor. He should have known better.

Remus stared into the gray depths as if he could read the secrets of life. Against all reason, he began to feel, deep within him, the tiniest sliver of hope. Trying desperately to quell it, he felt it growing.

_Moony...I'm innocent. I would never, could never, have done this. You know it, you have to know it. I love you._

Something inside him refused to believe that Sirius was guilty. Had been refusing ever since the first time he had heard the news the month before. It had taken him that long to gather his Gryffindor courage around him enough to come seeking answers. He had hoped, staring into Sirius's eyes, that he would find a lie. That somehow all those nights of passion and days of brotherhood would be tainted by the deceit he was sure to find there. What did it mean that he could see only honesty? Could Sirius really be that good of an actor? Could the entire decade of friendship and love have been a lie?

Remus wanted desperately to believe that there was some mistake, but he knew he was being foolish. Sirius had been found at the scene of Peter's murder, he had been the secret keeper, the only one able to betray James and Lily. Despite his protests, it seemed he really was Black at heart. He was lying...about everything. Pulling his agony around him like a shield, he glared at Sirius, causing his lover to recoil. Sirius's arms were wrapped around himself again, as if to protect himself from blows and desperate whimpers were escaping at the thought of Moony walking out of his life.

Remus turned his back on his friend, intent on leaving, when a memory flashed across his mind like a shooting star, so bright and beautiful that it causes another lance of pain through his heart.

_The two of them lying on his Hogwart's bed, limbs and hearts and minds entwined. It had been __in the beginning of _them_, when everything had seemed so shiny and new and wonderful. They lay without speaking, sharing breath and counting heartbeats, content only to feel as long as they were together._

Before going back down the corridor to join the guard who had just reemerged, Remus dug into the pocket of his robe. Pulling out a slender object, he balanced it on the bars and locked eyes with the other man.

_ Just in case..._

Sirius reached out reverently, clutching the bar of milk chocolate to him as if it were made of gold. Watching Remus rapidly disappearing from sight, his trembling fingers hid the treasure, the proof that he had been loved, and perhaps, still was.

Authors note: I am not entirely pleased with this one, so please review and let me know what I can improve upon. Also, to forestall protests, I figured since the Crouch's could smuggle Polyjuice into Azkaban, Remus should have no problems with a bar of Honeyduke's finest.


End file.
